I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
