We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
50% drunk capacity currently
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
