med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize