I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
