I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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