Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
