One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
