I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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