for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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