i can't believe i had my finger in that
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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