Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize