Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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