she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
