I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
