i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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