just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
and she was petting her beer can
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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