I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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