I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
