So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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