I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
