just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
