i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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