the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
