Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I party with great urgency now.
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