he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
