she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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