I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
