You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize