he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
