Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
