Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
