dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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