So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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