Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
