He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
