I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
