Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
