I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
