hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
