apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize