Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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