i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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