i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
