I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
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