I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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