Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
