susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
