What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
