Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
