I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
