i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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