What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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