I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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