I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I have tasted many bathrooms
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
