She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
