4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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