Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
