pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
