i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
