Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
