when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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