I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
