I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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