i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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