My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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