I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
