I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
