Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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